Saturday, September 11, 2010

30 Days Of Brenda #9 ("Your Beliefs") beliefs. Before I can even talk about my beliefs, I have to set the stage for how my current belief system evolved. PLEASE do not take anything that is typed here as an attack on any person's personal faith or belief. I am merely stating my beliefs and how they came to be :).

Well, I don't believe that my belief system falls into any one "niche" anymore. I was born and raised Catholic (and by "raised" Catholic, I merely mean I was baptized as a baby, and attended Catholic school, and had all the Catholic sacraments up through my "Confirmation"--the hell hole I was raised in was anything but religious...). My marriage to the first husband sparked a dalliance in Protestant denominationalism that lasted several years....the last few of which I was already disenchanted with after my daughter was scolded in Sunday school after proclaiming that she (at the time) wanted to be a Paleontologist when she grew up (as they were all discussing what they all wanted to be when they grew up)...apparently, that was "UnChristian", because dinosaur bones were "of the devil", and placed here to create doubt in man as to "the TRUE "word" of "God" (Make sense?? Didn't to me either, so how the hell could that statement make sense to a 6 year old??). Eesh..up until that point, I thought the Catholics were bad for having Sister Bon Secour cram "The Rythm Method" down the throats of my 6th grade class (god, I remember that coming up in a religion lesson, and looking around and not seeing even one boy that didn't disgust me in some way)---they had NOTHING on the killers of a child's dream.

I think that was the point that I really began to examine my "faith"...because, after all, weren't all of Christianity  (Catholics, protestants, etc....) merely just "interpreting" words on some scrolls? Weren't all of these different denominations also then merely just perpetuating their beliefs on subsequent generations making their offspring believe that their beliefs are the ONLY and RIGHT beliefs?

I was actually at a point in my life where I was trying to figure that all out when a bomb was dropped on me. A life altering, earth shattering bomb. My daughter died. And she didn't just die--she was taken from me and all who loved her.

POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE MATERIAL COMING UP...Just take it for what it is--my raw emotion and beliefs, NOT attacks on any person's personal beliefs :)

Well, let me insert here, that I applaud people with "faith" in their chosen belief system. When you have a concrete base, you can cling to it to give you comfort. In my case, I didn't have any kind of concrete base to which I could (or even wanted to) cling to. To me, at that time, when all I received were those platitudes (you know the ones..."They're in a better place"..."They're with God now"..."You'll see her again one day when you die and go to Heaven"...yadda yadda yadda....), all I could think was "What the HELL kind of good and loving "God" kills your child?" "No, she's NOT in a better place, she SHOULD be here with me instead of in a casket...." and "SHUT THE HELL UP already....Where was your "God" when my baby was struggling for every breath??"

Now, you are in the mindset of a person who has been shaken to the core. Now, you are in the mindset of someone not so much looking for an answer (which to me, seems what the different faiths of "men" gives them "a reason" for the "unexplainable") but looking for some means of comfortably understanding something......

This all being said, that occurrence pretty much cleared my slate, so to speak. I was really unencumbered by any pre-set notions that might have been there previously, and all of a sudden, I was able to explore and cull what I needed from SO many World religions....Buddhism....Judaism...Islam...Shammanism...Paganism, Hinduism, Druidism, not to mention the many beliefs of many different cultures native to North America.

I also am a Darwinian with shades of Hawkings and Sagan.

I( really from the time Holly died), decided that I wanted my children to decide (when they are old enough to make an informed decision ) to explore and understand something so esoteric as "faith" and "belief". I can't say whether that was a wrong decision or a right decision, because both of the oldest ones are still at an age where they are trying to find what it is that THEY believe in (and not just because someone "told them it was so"). I can't attest to the fact that this is the best (or worst) choice as far as parenting. What I can say, though, is that my kids have and are being taught a moral compass that includes a love for their earth and a love for their fellow human being  (not this hate crap being spewed by that crazy bastard Terry Jones).

Thank you for letting me share :)

Days 10 thru 14 will be posted Next week when I return from a mini vaca with the family :).

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